Hi Friends,

I've been back in kerteh since last week except for the weekend when i was back in KL.

Probably U all might remember that i mentioned about my pannick attacks i had. I've been weening myself of xanax (which helped me) because i think i've somewhat improved since coming back to KL.

However I notice myself starting to feel slight anxiety when I came back to the kerteh site office.

Anxiety Attacks
A friend of mine from the O&G industry told me about her anxiety attacks. She was assigned to Sudan for 3 months and told me she had a horrible time trying to work there. Over there she constantly worried about her kids back home and worried about work as well and that resulted in her anxiety attacks. Contrary to what I used to believe, anxiety attacks have got nothing to do with blood pressure. She in fact has low blood pressure. I always thought that my anxiety attacks was actually hi BP. And no my BP during the worse case was border line, i dont suffer from hypertension.

She explained that anxiety attacks are caused by prolonged exposure to stressful environment which lowers ones stress treshold. ONce this natural stress treshold is lowered to a certain level, it doesnt take that much for pannick attacks/ anxiety attacks to occur. For my case, it was so bad I started getting pannick attacks upon opening my laptop in the morning at work. i try to fight it but once i get phone calls about work, i start feeling anxious... Rimas.. It's a feeling of wanting to escape. I tried stepping out of the office and looking at green things to calm my self down. It worked but not for long. Praying also worked but as soon as I get into the thick of action, I get anxious again.

It's nothing to be ashamed of admitting that u get pannick attacks. In this fast paced world we live in, all the stress and strains of work life does take it's toll on some people like me. That's how all these massage spas, relaxation centres are popping up like mushrooms in KL.. people do need these kind of things to relax. As for my case, I let it get to me to the point where i couldnt function.

However i have to say that what i did was only taking care of the symptoms. what i should be doing is getting to the root of my anxiety problems. I should repair the causes of anxiety. The doctor told me usually people who are perfectionist get anxiety attacks (cewah). People who are disorganised also get anxiety attacks.I should be more organised, i should also trust people who i work with and try to delegate my work. I should also get myself a girlfriend to release the tension! haha. and most importantly i need to fucking get it in my thick skull that all this is JUST A JOB!!!

IT'S JUST A FUCKING JOB

ciao

Dear friends,

Today I'd like to introduce you to a new concept I discovered in the complicated subject of human relationship. This concept might not be new to you but I'm sure many of you can relate to this. Behold....

BFS

It stands for Best Friend Syndrome. It's when you dump your partner, and suddenly that person is your best friend in the whole world. You act as if nothing has changed between the two of you, other than the love that is now non-existent (for you at least). In fact you even carry on calling your ex by your favoured nicknames and continue talk to him/her while the wound in his/her broken heart is still shooting hot blood.

The dumpees, if infected with Sindrom Kurang Daya Tahan (perasaan), will play along and get themselves on an emotional rollercoaster until at some point they realize that the ride's gotta stop or they'll start puking their guts out (or in my case I get nasty anxiety attacks).

Lot's of things can happen when BFS hits. Some examples would be:
- trips to regular haunts, be it a favourite coffeeshop or mamak joint or shopping mall.
- calling or text msging the ex and asking his/her opinion on the current world events/latest book she/he read etc.
- doing exclusive things together, e.g. ponteng puasa and then secretly smoking in the smoking room


Some even go to the extent of talking about their feelings, their anger and resentment towards a particular person or issue. Some don't know when to stop. It's as if they now owe the ex-partner something for causing the hurt. Some think that by at least being there as a friend, they are doing the ex-partner a favor, that the ex-partner will feel better about the situation. Imagine experiencing the degradation/demotion from being lovers to being a new found best friend. Everyone could use a best friend. What a consolation!!!

Well, here's what I think of this BFS.

I think it's Bull Fucking Shit.

Ciao

Hello muppets,

i'd like your attention on the new link i've included here in my blog. It takes you the the Gigger's Art Cafe myspace which tells you about the venue of my weekly solo performances. it's got the map to the place, a few pictures which will hint u on wat to expect to see there. They even posted the gig guide which tells u the up-n-coming acts playing there for next 2 months, i think. U'll notice that i'll be playing a solo acoustic set there everying friday for some reason they described me as acoustic,alternative-pop,nu-wave act, which is quite a mouthful. And they included the cafe menu so that u can plan ahead what u want to eat once u get there ?!? does anybody do that? hihi

So ignore my previous posting telling u that i'd post the map to Gigger's Art Cafe (Paul's Place). I wont. Wat u should do is go straight to that link if u wanna know the venue's where abouts and if u wanna catch me sing live.

What I really plan to do there is to practice getting a hold of the crowd's attention for the whole of my setlist. From the 2 times I've played over there, i noticed that some of the other act's crowd/supporters bugger off as soon as their band/act they want to see finish performing. That's just totally against the spirit of music man. So stay put because some of the better acts come around a bit later. If u happen to see me play first, stay around for abit and order some snacks because so it's worth checking out the raw talents at this place.I think eddie and tasha will put me first in the list from now on because they know i get annoyed when people ciao when it's my turn to play. Last week i Started cussing at some people in the crouwd from the stage because they started to bugger off before my set just because their band/the band they support is done. Maybe they feel embarrassed to hang around after damaging the ear drums of all who were there but they shouldnt be rude and leave me there feeling like they dont like my face. I tried to pretend i enjoyed their sorry excuse for a band's performance before me, why cant they reciprocate and listen to my orignal tunes i worked so hard on? The next time someone/group does that I'll try to pick a fight. I'll throw a bottle at anyone who leaves when i'm about to get started and hopefully can pick a real fight from there. Yeah I'm going to throw a 1-2 combination at anyone leaving before I start so that's my warning, just joking!

Anyway, I hope gigger's art cafe shall grow from strength to strength from now. I've seen how hard my friends Miss Tasha, Mr Eddie, Mr Ayed have worked to make the place happen. Oh God, they deserve a big break.

Well i dont have a set list for next friday's show but my promise is to sing a new song every week.

Tomorrow i'll be spending a few days at the east coast for work and hopefully I get inspired to write meaningful words to the melodies i hear ringing in my ears. I hope for inspiration from the long sandy beaches of Kerteh.

So please come and see me perform.

To Nad and Mr T (i'm not sure if nad is fine if i mention his full name) thanks for your support. And pls come again next week. Nad, bring some cute hot sexy girls from your workplace as well for me to stare at when I'm singing. I'm tired of looking at the walls when i'm playing. Tell them I might do a strip tease (for the girls and for gays too; but I'm straight as a ruler,i'm a woman's man, if u dont believe me ask your mother/sister!) to colour things up abit.

Till the next time. Take care my friends!

Ciao