just got back from a trip to my yearly hiding place at a nearby country. I just wanted to forget about this thing that happened to me.

And you know what? I discovered something. Fucking scuba diving is wonderful man!!! Oh my god, after the experience, me and my friend were just talking about how some people who actually work just to pay for their diving trips and now we finally understand why. It's strange how the vast blue sea has this calming effect on me. I've never felt calmer in my life. I mean seriously, i needed that. I have been under a lot of stress and scuba diving was the perfect antidote. It's too bad that I cant do it in malaysia because of the strict license requirements over here.

I also took some risk over there. I rode the motorbike for the first time in my life and really enjoyed it. I also went for the 'fly fishing experience which requires me to be in mid air dragged by a speed boat. I was fucking hysterical!!! :) Thanks nad for inviting me to the trip. I did me good.

Today I'm without a car and I decided that I'm too much in a holiday mood to go back to work. In a bit, I'll go the service centre and fucking pick up my long due car. Those ford bastards are useless as hell. Took them a whole month to NOT fix the wiring problem in my car. I'm feel like fucking shooting the whole place down and torching it after that. That's how pissed off i am about the car situation.

I dont know why all this is happening to me. I feel like I am at my lowest when it comes to human relations. I always seem to bring the worst in people by the most unthinkable means. Is there something wrong with who I am?

The thing that's playing in my mind is like the chicken or egg situation.

Am I so unpleasant to whom I love to the point of driving them mad all the time?

Or

They just had short fuses and I can't take shit anymore?

But when I am not thinking of these questions, I busy feeling lousy.

wow What A Way to enter 2008

I love traveling. I love the good feeling you get experiencing walks along unfamiliar streets, talking to people from different cultures, seeing how they live in their big cities, noticing how safe it is for a foreigner over there and of course my obsession the food. For the past 2 months I was fortunate enough to have been to 2 countries. Netherlands and Egypt. The visit to the former was a long deserved holiday that was planned for quite sometime and the latter was the work assignment trip that got postponed a few times.

Amsterdam is a wonderful city, with well maintained buildings. I love the classic facades with new modern interiors, something which malaysia would never ever do since Malaysia enjoys tearing down the old and building new ones. Cairo and Egypt also has many nice old buildings but not as well preserved. Buildings should be preserved as a reminder to future generations of our civilisation. What has Malaysia got at the present to remind us of the so called Zaman Kegemilangan Melaka? Nothing. Nevertheless Europe has done well in preserving their buildings and these buildings have become a part of the lives of generations of their great peoples.

In Egypt I learned about how proud arabs are of their culture. Cultural preservation at their finest. One thing that catches my attention is how belly dancing is regarded over there. Egypt is an Islamic country however they are secure enough of their Islamic faith to preserve the belly dancing tradition. From my few conversations with some interesting Egyptians, they clearly practise Islam which is more sophisticated that what we have in malaysia. Not only they abide by the ritualistic obligations of Islam they also practise the universal values of islam as a way of life. Egyptians are humble, worldly and they are very tolerant to new cultures coming to their country. They have loads of western fast food restaurants but the standing of the local goods/restaurants are never compromised egyptians are proud of their native produces and services. The young people there really appreciate their rich history and are able to promote their history by heart with full of pride. Egyptians are a much more mature and definitely more sophisticated than your average joe here in malaysia.

Of course apart from the spiritual and social lessons i learnt from my travels, I also enjoy the food. Probably i'll write more about that in my next posting.

With the lessons I learned some questions comes into my mind with regards to malaysia. Why aren't we proud of our heritage? Why do we so easily tear down historical buildings/relics to make way for new buildings? Why do we erase our makyongs, dikir barats, zapins, bangras from our memories? Why do we think that by wearing a tudung/serban, praying 5 times a day, talking with an arab accent would make us better muslims when we severely neglect wholesome good values? Why arent we proud of our culture and history which differentiates us from the rest of the world? Why the fuck do malays wanna be arabs?

Ahaerghuafodlipfahahaha

My trip to Egypt was cancelled at the 11th hour. Strangely I'm relieved because I am thinking about having to begin the fasting month there in the hot saharan (I think I almost failed my geography in SPM), shit it's going to be painful. Well that was about 2 weeks ago since then, the schedule for the assignment has been postponed another 2 times. Well this is how it's like in real life beyond the drawing board in my line of work. I'm not surprised. I'm not disappointed, I'm relieved.

Anyway, I think I'm shedding off a considerable amount of weight in the 1st week of fasting month. It's been painful anyway but I can proudly proclaim this is the best start for fasting season for me ever. Just a good a start as how Liverpool is performing for the first 4 games. :) On fasting, usually I don’t last till the 3rd day when I will give up and say fuck it! I'll steal a banana from the kitchen or get some drive thru food or steal a smoke at a quiet corner. I had very weak will power then but somehow I'm determined now (so far hah!). The difference now is I’m fat. I weighed about 88kgs the last time I checked before fasting month and now I see fasting as the easy way to shed some flab. I no longer exercise regularly now because I'm a lazy fuck and I have subconsciously let go of my mouth demon.

My mouth demon can't rest. It has to have me eating because he eats a bit of mine. The shitty bit is this mouth demon's shit acts as an appetizer to me, when I swallow it. As a result I crave for ALOT of food. I fucking eat alot man! Bastard mouth demon.

The holy month of Ramadan is the month when all demons, jims, polongs, toyols, hantu teteks, Pontianak harum SUNDAL Malam all get locked up in heaven/hell (I'm not sure). This explains why my mouth demon is away. In the past, I never managed to spit my mouth demon on time before Ramadan. It just stays on in my mouth like any other month. This time, the excess phlegm in my mouth managed to push out that motherfucker and now I can resist the temptation of eating.

Anyway I also should tell you that fasting makes me high, hallucinate and probably a better writer. Till we meet again, I got to run downstairs now to break fast. I'm going to also look out for that mouth demon. I think it's in my garden somewhere now....

Ciao fuckos

I'll be going off to Alexandria, Egypt soon, leaving on the 5th September '07. It'll be for two weeks and I am extremely tense about handing over office work to newly recruited colleagues especially when dateline is near. Looking at the bright side, I'll get to finally see the pyramids.

I am a bit uncomfortable reminding myself of how hot it would be at this time of the year. I am worried also that there wont be any internet connection. I am excited about working (albeit short assignment) here because I have always been curious about how people live in foriegn countries, curious about the food, architecture and curious about finding out whether it is true that Arabs from Egypt like to cheat people off money. Yeah that's the prejudice I hear from Colleagues who were posted there before. Of course I will apply my common sense by avoiding dodgy characters but not to the point of limitting what I plan to experience in Egypt.

I heard that shoes are very cheap there. Well, if so the timing of this assignment is perfect because i have been thinking about buying new office shoes to replace the only one I have been wearing close to 5 years. I am looking forward to eating the best Arab food egypt has to offer. Unfortunately for me I might have to spend the first week of there fasting. Fasting month is coming up soon (FUCK!). I hope I'll have the strength to withstand the thirst due to the heat.

Before I leave for the trip, I would like to get myself a good camera so that I'd be able to post pictures in this blog as well. I noticed that I'm not much of a writer, I feel that writing does not allow me to capture what i really feel. I noticed that reading my own posting is a fucking bore and I would need some pictures of my observations. Thinking of getting a small camera which I can carry along easliy anywhere.

By the way, tonight we're getting Sunderland. Unfortunately Gerrard wont be available, I'm still optimistic because of Torres. From the goal he scored against Chelsea, I can see that he's a natural striker and I hope he'd maintain his performance. This will take some pressure off Gerrard's shoulders and off course we'd see a more consistant, forceful push to the league title. It is too early to say but I truly can see great potential in this squad, fingers crossed.


Until next time i write a new posting in empty space. Ciao fellow fuckwits.

I just bought a new guitar. It's a Seagull S-6 Spruce. Very nice. It's body board is made of spruce wood found abundantly in the canadian forrest. It's sides are maple and I can tell u now it sounds so lemak despite of it's humble appearance. Humble yeah! that's a suitable word for how understatedly designed the guitar is but when u hold it and strum it, u'll understand what lemak means in the guitar tone spectrum. The sound falls between the brightness of cedar and the loudness of a maple guitar.

Actually i'm pretending i know what i'm talking about. but seriously, i really do enjoy the sounds this guitar produce and if u play guitar, u'd understand when i say that good guitars inspire you to play something unique that can only come out when u play that guitar. This fucker is good man.

Seagull brand is produced by an interesting company, Godin, which has a very unique business plan. It does not endorse any top guitarist like other guitar manufacturers, a move that would bring up sales . it's the perfect way to sell guitars to the young, music loving, rich generation. Godin don't do endorsements. Seagull brand has been around since the early 80s and has survived selling guitars merely on reputation instead of association. As a result, Seagull guitars are a fraction of the price of more reknowned names like Martin, Taylor etc etc but not compromising the quality you get when you buy good guitars. I got mine for RM1,500 but it sounds like a very good hi end Martin guitar that would cost RM5000.

The one I bought has no pickups. I spent about 2hrs in the shop in taman tun chosing the best guitar for me. I wanted ones with pickups but they dont have any within my budget. They showed me this one and at first i didnt like it because of it's no frills appearance but one strum of it i fell in love! It's warm but exquisitely crisp at the same time. I tried strumming very loud but it didnt break a note! it's a fucking guitar that God would make.. perfect. I took it in view of installing pickups later.


I've already written a few riffs on this guitar that could be layered with some rusty sounding electric guitar later for the sloppy/tight sound i like so much.

I'll post some pictures of it when i know how do it.