it's the 3am special.....

2008-01-13T22:08:00.000-08:00

just got back from a trip to my yearly hiding place at a nearby country. I just wanted to forget about this thing that happened to me.

And you know what? I discovered something. Fucking scuba diving is wonderful man!!! Oh my god, after the experience, me and my friend were just talking about how some people who actually work just to pay for their diving trips and now we finally understand why. It's strange how the vast blue sea has this calming effect on me. I've never felt calmer in my life. I mean seriously, i needed that. I have been under a lot of stress and scuba diving was the perfect antidote. It's too bad that I cant do it in malaysia because of the strict license requirements over here.

I also took some risk over there. I rode the motorbike for the first time in my life and really enjoyed it. I also went for the 'fly fishing experience which requires me to be in mid air dragged by a speed boat. I was fucking hysterical!!! :) Thanks nad for inviting me to the trip. I did me good.

Today I'm without a car and I decided that I'm too much in a holiday mood to go back to work. In a bit, I'll go the service centre and fucking pick up my long due car. Those ford bastards are useless as hell. Took them a whole month to NOT fix the wiring problem in my car. I'm feel like fucking shooting the whole place down and torching it after that. That's how pissed off i am about the car situation.

2008-01-02T08:35:00.000-08:00

I dont know why all this is happening to me. I feel like I am at my lowest when it comes to human relations. I always seem to bring the worst in people by the most unthinkable means. Is there something wrong with who I am?

The thing that's playing in my mind is like the chicken or egg situation.

Am I so unpleasant to whom I love to the point of driving them mad all the time?

Or

They just had short fuses and I can't take shit anymore?

But when I am not thinking of these questions, I busy feeling lousy.

wow What A Way to enter 2008

2007-12-01T03:46:00.000-08:00

I love traveling. I love the good feeling you get experiencing walks along unfamiliar streets, talking to people from different cultures, seeing how they live in their big cities, noticing how safe it is for a foreigner over there and of course my obsession the food. For the past 2 months I was fortunate enough to have been to 2 countries. Netherlands and Egypt. The visit to the former was a long deserved holiday that was planned for quite sometime and the latter was the work assignment trip that got postponed a few times.

Amsterdam is a wonderful city, with well maintained buildings. I love the classic facades with new modern interiors, something which malaysia would never ever do since Malaysia enjoys tearing down the old and building new ones. Cairo and Egypt also has many nice old buildings but not as well preserved. Buildings should be preserved as a reminder to future generations of our civilisation. What has Malaysia got at the present to remind us of the so called Zaman Kegemilangan Melaka? Nothing. Nevertheless Europe has done well in preserving their buildings and these buildings have become a part of the lives of generations of their great peoples.

In Egypt I learned about how proud arabs are of their culture. Cultural preservation at their finest. One thing that catches my attention is how belly dancing is regarded over there. Egypt is an Islamic country however they are secure enough of their Islamic faith to preserve the belly dancing tradition. From my few conversations with some interesting Egyptians, they clearly practise Islam which is more sophisticated that what we have in malaysia. Not only they abide by the ritualistic obligations of Islam they also practise the universal values of islam as a way of life. Egyptians are humble, worldly and they are very tolerant to new cultures coming to their country. They have loads of western fast food restaurants but the standing of the local goods/restaurants are never compromised egyptians are proud of their native produces and services. The young people there really appreciate their rich history and are able to promote their history by heart with full of pride. Egyptians are a much more mature and definitely more sophisticated than your average joe here in malaysia.

Of course apart from the spiritual and social lessons i learnt from my travels, I also enjoy the food. Probably i'll write more about that in my next posting.

With the lessons I learned some questions comes into my mind with regards to malaysia. Why aren't we proud of our heritage? Why do we so easily tear down historical buildings/relics to make way for new buildings? Why do we erase our makyongs, dikir barats, zapins, bangras from our memories? Why do we think that by wearing a tudung/serban, praying 5 times a day, talking with an arab accent would make us better muslims when we severely neglect wholesome good values? Why arent we proud of our culture and history which differentiates us from the rest of the world? Why the fuck do malays wanna be arabs?

2007-09-20T03:52:00.000-07:00

Ahaerghuafodlipfahahaha

My trip to Egypt was cancelled at the 11th hour. Strangely I'm relieved because I am thinking about having to begin the fasting month there in the hot saharan (I think I almost failed my geography in SPM), shit it's going to be painful. Well that was about 2 weeks ago since then, the schedule for the assignment has been postponed another 2 times. Well this is how it's like in real life beyond the drawing board in my line of work. I'm not surprised. I'm not disappointed, I'm relieved.

Anyway, I think I'm shedding off a considerable amount of weight in the 1st week of fasting month. It's been painful anyway but I can proudly proclaim this is the best start for fasting season for me ever. Just a good a start as how Liverpool is performing for the first 4 games. :) On fasting, usually I don’t last till the 3rd day when I will give up and say fuck it! I'll steal a banana from the kitchen or get some drive thru food or steal a smoke at a quiet corner. I had very weak will power then but somehow I'm determined now (so far hah!). The difference now is I’m fat. I weighed about 88kgs the last time I checked before fasting month and now I see fasting as the easy way to shed some flab. I no longer exercise regularly now because I'm a lazy fuck and I have subconsciously let go of my mouth demon.

My mouth demon can't rest. It has to have me eating because he eats a bit of mine. The shitty bit is this mouth demon's shit acts as an appetizer to me, when I swallow it. As a result I crave for ALOT of food. I fucking eat alot man! Bastard mouth demon.

The holy month of Ramadan is the month when all demons, jims, polongs, toyols, hantu teteks, Pontianak harum SUNDAL Malam all get locked up in heaven/hell (I'm not sure). This explains why my mouth demon is away. In the past, I never managed to spit my mouth demon on time before Ramadan. It just stays on in my mouth like any other month. This time, the excess phlegm in my mouth managed to push out that motherfucker and now I can resist the temptation of eating.

Anyway I also should tell you that fasting makes me high, hallucinate and probably a better writer. Till we meet again, I got to run downstairs now to break fast. I'm going to also look out for that mouth demon. I think it's in my garden somewhere now....

Ciao fuckos

2007-08-24T20:47:00.000-07:00

I'll be going off to Alexandria, Egypt soon, leaving on the 5th September '07. It'll be for two weeks and I am extremely tense about handing over office work to newly recruited colleagues especially when dateline is near. Looking at the bright side, I'll get to finally see the pyramids.

I am a bit uncomfortable reminding myself of how hot it would be at this time of the year. I am worried also that there wont be any internet connection. I am excited about working (albeit short assignment) here because I have always been curious about how people live in foriegn countries, curious about the food, architecture and curious about finding out whether it is true that Arabs from Egypt like to cheat people off money. Yeah that's the prejudice I hear from Colleagues who were posted there before. Of course I will apply my common sense by avoiding dodgy characters but not to the point of limitting what I plan to experience in Egypt.

I heard that shoes are very cheap there. Well, if so the timing of this assignment is perfect because i have been thinking about buying new office shoes to replace the only one I have been wearing close to 5 years. I am looking forward to eating the best Arab food egypt has to offer. Unfortunately for me I might have to spend the first week of there fasting. Fasting month is coming up soon (FUCK!). I hope I'll have the strength to withstand the thirst due to the heat.

Before I leave for the trip, I would like to get myself a good camera so that I'd be able to post pictures in this blog as well. I noticed that I'm not much of a writer, I feel that writing does not allow me to capture what i really feel. I noticed that reading my own posting is a fucking bore and I would need some pictures of my observations. Thinking of getting a small camera which I can carry along easliy anywhere.

By the way, tonight we're getting Sunderland. Unfortunately Gerrard wont be available, I'm still optimistic because of Torres. From the goal he scored against Chelsea, I can see that he's a natural striker and I hope he'd maintain his performance. This will take some pressure off Gerrard's shoulders and off course we'd see a more consistant, forceful push to the league title. It is too early to say but I truly can see great potential in this squad, fingers crossed.

Until next time i write a new posting in empty space. Ciao fellow fuckwits.

2007-01-23T08:58:00.000-08:00

I just bought a new guitar. It's a Seagull S-6 Spruce. Very nice. It's body board is made of spruce wood found abundantly in the canadian forrest. It's sides are maple and I can tell u now it sounds so lemak despite of it's humble appearance. Humble yeah! that's a suitable word for how understatedly designed the guitar is but when u hold it and strum it, u'll understand what lemak means in the guitar tone spectrum. The sound falls between the brightness of cedar and the loudness of a maple guitar.

Actually i'm pretending i know what i'm talking about. but seriously, i really do enjoy the sounds this guitar produce and if u play guitar, u'd understand when i say that good guitars inspire you to play something unique that can only come out when u play that guitar. This fucker is good man.

Seagull brand is produced by an interesting company, Godin, which has a very unique business plan. It does not endorse any top guitarist like other guitar manufacturers, a move that would bring up sales . it's the perfect way to sell guitars to the young, music loving, rich generation. Godin don't do endorsements. Seagull brand has been around since the early 80s and has survived selling guitars merely on reputation instead of association. As a result, Seagull guitars are a fraction of the price of more reknowned names like Martin, Taylor etc etc but not compromising the quality you get when you buy good guitars. I got mine for RM1,500 but it sounds like a very good hi end Martin guitar that would cost RM5000.

The one I bought has no pickups. I spent about 2hrs in the shop in taman tun chosing the best guitar for me. I wanted ones with pickups but they dont have any within my budget. They showed me this one and at first i didnt like it because of it's no frills appearance but one strum of it i fell in love! It's warm but exquisitely crisp at the same time. I tried strumming very loud but it didnt break a note! it's a fucking guitar that God would make.. perfect. I took it in view of installing pickups later.

I've already written a few riffs on this guitar that could be layered with some rusty sounding electric guitar later for the sloppy/tight sound i like so much.

I'll post some pictures of it when i know how do it.

2006-12-16T00:51:00.000-08:00

2006-11-24T23:24:00.000-08:00

Hello hallo hullo halo,

In an hour I'm about to begin my journey to Bali. This would be my second trip there. I loved the first time I was there, it was a 4 day trip and now we'll be there for a week. It's going to be the 3 of us but this time phil is bringing his other half and I'll be alone. Doesnt really matter, I'd go there alone if I had to. It's really good that air asia goes there for a cut down price.

Of course in the corner of my mind I'm kind of paro about the bombings at Legian. However like the lightning strikes, terrorism shouldnt stop you from living your life. The first time over there I found out that Balinese are very beautiful, friendly, bright, creative people, they dont deserve the aftermath/effects of the bombings episodes. They were telling me of how businesses went downwards after that as a result of the drop in number of tourist. These Islamic fundementalist are doing more than killing people's lives at the push of a button (or a bomb). They're taking away the livelihood of these poor people who are just trying to make end's meet.

I remember a religious teacher of mine telling me that in judegment day, we'll all be surprised by the number of muslim occupying Hell. I dont owe it to you to explain what it means, you go figure it out yourself but I can see that Islamic terrorism sprouting out around the world demonstrates what my teacher was trying to say. Most occupants of hell, I think, would be muslims. There is so much hatred ingrained in muslims lives nowadays it's no wonder westerners tend to generalise most muslims as stupid terrorist.

Innocent people dont deserve to die that way. I should right a song about this and make sure the message in the lyrics is clear. I'm not anti-Islam i'm just ashamed to be associated to these terrorist bastards, i'm tired of being looked at funny when I travel overseas for my work when they see 'Ahmad' in my name and I also would like to believe that I love peace, which is what 'Islam' literally means.

I'm strayed off abit from Bali I know, but I think i'd have more to say after this trip about Bali. I wanna re-ennact some of the good times in Bali with Phil and also replace them with alot more fun! I also wanna buy some Havaianas for my sweetheart miss R because I just love seeing her smile. I just wish that she could come along tho.

Well that's it for this time you fuckos. Fuck you and try to have a good fuck some where, you fucking fuckers

For your Unlawful Carnal Knowledge (FUCK)

Ciao

2006-11-22T00:00:00.000-08:00

Hello u fucks,

I'm planning to finish my very first album soon. By the end of the year i'll have 15 carefully written songs, all with their own hooks to be narrowed down to a 11 song long album. Then I'll see where it takes me.

I dont like describing my songs. They way the industry works is by pigeon-holing u into an existing music templates. I would like to describe my songs simply as guitar rock. I write using my guitar and most of the noise u here are derived from it.

I use a simple lo-fi method of recording. I use my laptop, Sonar Cakewalk soft ware, a line-6 POD live xt for preamplification, shure microphone for me vox and alot of shit trips to the loo to organise melodies conjured from my dreams. I do dream in songs and colour.

Music, melody is really the easy part for me. What's hard is writing the words to the melodies. When i first started song writing, my lyrics sounded like stuff which i always thought was uncool and lame. Mr E told me to be more honest when it comes to words. So nowadays i just open up and have my rhyming dictionary in hand to facilitate the process. I write about teenaged social knots, yeah i'm no longer a teenager, fuck i'm no longer a young adult, i'm an adult. It's easier for the head (mine) and i think there's alot to write about.

I tried a protest song. it's nothing complicated but the message is universal. Universal to any country which is ruled by cheats.

I also wrote about falling in love with my best friends girlfriend. This is something many bastards could relate to if they cant find their own girlfriends.

I wanna write about love. I'm currently so in love now. I've got so many things to write about but unfortunately i'm left with gothic, dark riffy songs with early depeche mode melodie's to sing over. hope i can get everything together and fly with a dark love song.

i still play at Paul's place or now known as Gigger's Art Cafe. It's fun for me being there because i have the flexibility to do whatever fuck i want.

there that's my latest posting.

Fuck you

2006-11-01T19:16:00.000-08:00

Hello

I'm coming back after wards... anyway on the way to the site office i saw a delicious array of roadkill. 3 monkeys and 2 cats. Kerteh animals donno how to cross the roads...

anyway i swear i saw that one of the monkeys was a baby mawas/bigfoot. it's got the features man. someone ought to stop and just take a look and maybe gain a bit of a fortune selling it off. i wont do it, i dont like touching carcasses even if it means i'd be a millionaire selling it.

i feel bad for the cats yang kena langgar. i dont quite understand how cats so small can get their head crush. can someone tell me if maybe it's the car tyres that crushed their cute heads into 2? and why does it take so long for majlis perbandaran kerteh to clear the shit up? i've seen some roadkills dry up into skeletons man..... it's probably an east coast laidback thing. their excuse prolly is to let nature take it's course and eat away the flesh on the poor cat's carcass

long time ago someone told me that if i squeeze limau nipis on the place where the roadkill died right after the impact, malam2 u can here the cat's soul meowing. that's crazy shit. i would love to try that sometime and record it for u tube..

friends, it is my intention to sound very morbid in this posting.. dont worry i'm not crazy yet.

ciao

2006-10-09T00:42:00.000-07:00

Hi Friends,

I've been back in kerteh since last week except for the weekend when i was back in KL.

Probably U all might remember that i mentioned about my pannick attacks i had. I've been weening myself of xanax (which helped me) because i think i've somewhat improved since coming back to KL.

However I notice myself starting to feel slight anxiety when I came back to the kerteh site office.

Anxiety Attacks
A friend of mine from the O&G industry told me about her anxiety attacks. She was assigned to Sudan for 3 months and told me she had a horrible time trying to work there. Over there she constantly worried about her kids back home and worried about work as well and that resulted in her anxiety attacks. Contrary to what I used to believe, anxiety attacks have got nothing to do with blood pressure. She in fact has low blood pressure. I always thought that my anxiety attacks was actually hi BP. And no my BP during the worse case was border line, i dont suffer from hypertension.

She explained that anxiety attacks are caused by prolonged exposure to stressful environment which lowers ones stress treshold. ONce this natural stress treshold is lowered to a certain level, it doesnt take that much for pannick attacks/ anxiety attacks to occur. For my case, it was so bad I started getting pannick attacks upon opening my laptop in the morning at work. i try to fight it but once i get phone calls about work, i start feeling anxious... Rimas.. It's a feeling of wanting to escape. I tried stepping out of the office and looking at green things to calm my self down. It worked but not for long. Praying also worked but as soon as I get into the thick of action, I get anxious again.

It's nothing to be ashamed of admitting that u get pannick attacks. In this fast paced world we live in, all the stress and strains of work life does take it's toll on some people like me. That's how all these massage spas, relaxation centres are popping up like mushrooms in KL.. people do need these kind of things to relax. As for my case, I let it get to me to the point where i couldnt function.

However i have to say that what i did was only taking care of the symptoms. what i should be doing is getting to the root of my anxiety problems. I should repair the causes of anxiety. The doctor told me usually people who are perfectionist get anxiety attacks (cewah). People who are disorganised also get anxiety attacks.I should be more organised, i should also trust people who i work with and try to delegate my work. I should also get myself a girlfriend to release the tension! haha. and most importantly i need to fucking get it in my thick skull that all this is JUST A JOB!!!

IT'S JUST A FUCKING JOB

ciao

2006-10-04T00:43:00.000-07:00

Dear friends,

Today I'd like to introduce you to a new concept I discovered in the complicated subject of human relationship. This concept might not be new to you but I'm sure many of you can relate to this. Behold....

BFS

It stands for Best Friend Syndrome. It's when you dump your partner, and suddenly that person is your best friend in the whole world. You act as if nothing has changed between the two of you, other than the love that is now non-existent (for you at least). In fact you even carry on calling your ex by your favoured nicknames and continue talk to him/her while the wound in his/her broken heart is still shooting hot blood.

The dumpees, if infected with Sindrom Kurang Daya Tahan (perasaan), will play along and get themselves on an emotional rollercoaster until at some point they realize that the ride's gotta stop or they'll start puking their guts out (or in my case I get nasty anxiety attacks).

Lot's of things can happen when BFS hits. Some examples would be:
- trips to regular haunts, be it a favourite coffeeshop or mamak joint or shopping mall.
- calling or text msging the ex and asking his/her opinion on the current world events/latest book she/he read etc.
- doing exclusive things together, e.g. ponteng puasa and then secretly smoking in the smoking room

Some even go to the extent of talking about their feelings, their anger and resentment towards a particular person or issue. Some don't know when to stop. It's as if they now owe the ex-partner something for causing the hurt. Some think that by at least being there as a friend, they are doing the ex-partner a favor, that the ex-partner will feel better about the situation. Imagine experiencing the degradation/demotion from being lovers to being a new found best friend. Everyone could use a best friend. What a consolation!!!

Well, here's what I think of this BFS.

I think it's Bull Fucking Shit.

Ciao

2006-10-01T11:12:00.000-07:00

Hello muppets,

i'd like your attention on the new link i've included here in my blog. It takes you the the Gigger's Art Cafe myspace which tells you about the venue of my weekly solo performances. it's got the map to the place, a few pictures which will hint u on wat to expect to see there. They even posted the gig guide which tells u the up-n-coming acts playing there for next 2 months, i think. U'll notice that i'll be playing a solo acoustic set there everying friday for some reason they described me as acoustic,alternative-pop,nu-wave act, which is quite a mouthful. And they included the cafe menu so that u can plan ahead what u want to eat once u get there ?!? does anybody do that? hihi

So ignore my previous posting telling u that i'd post the map to Gigger's Art Cafe (Paul's Place). I wont. Wat u should do is go straight to that link if u wanna know the venue's where abouts and if u wanna catch me sing live.

What I really plan to do there is to practice getting a hold of the crowd's attention for the whole of my setlist. From the 2 times I've played over there, i noticed that some of the other act's crowd/supporters bugger off as soon as their band/act they want to see finish performing. That's just totally against the spirit of music man. So stay put because some of the better acts come around a bit later. If u happen to see me play first, stay around for abit and order some snacks because so it's worth checking out the raw talents at this place.I think eddie and tasha will put me first in the list from now on because they know i get annoyed when people ciao when it's my turn to play. Last week i Started cussing at some people in the crouwd from the stage because they started to bugger off before my set just because their band/the band they support is done. Maybe they feel embarrassed to hang around after damaging the ear drums of all who were there but they shouldnt be rude and leave me there feeling like they dont like my face. I tried to pretend i enjoyed their sorry excuse for a band's performance before me, why cant they reciprocate and listen to my orignal tunes i worked so hard on? The next time someone/group does that I'll try to pick a fight. I'll throw a bottle at anyone who leaves when i'm about to get started and hopefully can pick a real fight from there. Yeah I'm going to throw a 1-2 combination at anyone leaving before I start so that's my warning, just joking!

Anyway, I hope gigger's art cafe shall grow from strength to strength from now. I've seen how hard my friends Miss Tasha, Mr Eddie, Mr Ayed have worked to make the place happen. Oh God, they deserve a big break.

Well i dont have a set list for next friday's show but my promise is to sing a new song every week.

Tomorrow i'll be spending a few days at the east coast for work and hopefully I get inspired to write meaningful words to the melodies i hear ringing in my ears. I hope for inspiration from the long sandy beaches of Kerteh.

So please come and see me perform.

To Nad and Mr T (i'm not sure if nad is fine if i mention his full name) thanks for your support. And pls come again next week. Nad, bring some cute hot sexy girls from your workplace as well for me to stare at when I'm singing. I'm tired of looking at the walls when i'm playing. Tell them I might do a strip tease (for the girls and for gays too; but I'm straight as a ruler,i'm a woman's man, if u dont believe me ask your mother/sister!) to colour things up abit.

Till the next time. Take care my friends!

Ciao

2006-09-27T06:07:00.000-07:00

Hey music lovers...

I'll be singing again at Paul's Place a.k.a Giggers Cafe on Friday, 29th September at 8pm. so come on lah. come la listen to my songs. Nad said my songs fehlong . fohleng or fehlong ah? Either way, Mister Eddie and Miss Tasha Leek will be spreading out the flyers which I will post here as soon as I get them so that U know how to get there. There's a map attached so please laa come, come laah cibai.

I'm not that good at pursuading people. So peoples that's mean u must come. The thing is that is, I'll be singing

1) Inferior (new)
2) Schizophrenia (new)
3) Panic Come again (new)
4) One way (new)
5) Down the Drain
6) Work on Sundays (I fucked it up last week because I had voice fatigue, so i'll
have another go)
7) Rival (again because peoples love the song)

So the thing is that is, pls come ok? And pls dont bring your own drinks and food because they serve food there. It's quite cheap. I think the beer is like Rm1.40 per bottle (hihhihi nampak sangat kencing). That's mean u could also bukak puasa totally pissed listening to my goodest songs.

Why am i speaking like a cross between Wong Ah Beng and a National Oil Company manager? It's because i always thought i am a comedian.

What I'll do is i'll sing crossed eyed.. So watch my eyes while i sing the most heartfelt songs u'll ever listen to. u wont know whether to laugh or cry.

I'll perform as my alter ego, Jimbang a/l Kutek

Next week i'll be Gringgo

The coming week I'll be called Arrnuck Har Rum

Then U can call me Bee Soul

Ciao

2006-09-19T09:30:00.000-07:00

Hey music lovers.

I'm performing in an acoustic set this friday night thanks to the persuasive powers of Mr Eddie and Miss Tasha Leek at Paul's Place, Jalan Klang Lama. Thanks also to my boss who told me to stay put in KL for the rest of the week to watch him present our project to Tan Sri on Friday morning. My setlist would be as follows:

1) Smelly Pillow Ballad
2) Rival/My Arrival
3) One thing(new)
4) Work On Sundays (new)
5) When I get Older
6) Only Young Once
7) Wurthering Heights (Kate Bush)

The reason for song no (7) is my recent fascination for Kate Bush. According to Mr Eddie, Kate Bush is the world's first gothic singer. From my research on the net, Kate Bush was a teenage singer/songwriter in the 70s who had a collection of over 2000 songs by the age of 18! She writes songs on the piano and was discovered by David Gilmour of Pink Floyd in the mid 70s. Of course I've always liked songs with complicated chord progressions eversince the days I discovered Soundgarden. I cant write songs with such sophistication simply because I'm not good enough and I dont play the piano. Chris Cornell, of Soundgarden fame wrote on the piano and his only solo album effort, Euphoria Morning, reeks of Kate Bush gothic influence.

I really enjoy listening to 'Wurthering heights' and it's currently on heavy rotation on my I-pod. My problem now is how to sing the chorus line which goes "Heathcliff, I'm Cathy i've come home and it's cold let me into your window". I can't sing this line because in case you havent noticed yet, I have a penis. My first thoughts of improvisation is by singing "Siti, It's Lan, I've come home and I'm sweaty let me into your punani". If i cant convincingly improvise on this song i'd gladfully sing a cover of Paula Abdul's "Cold Hearted Snake" as it's very relevant to my recent going-ons with someone with the same attributes.

What do u guys think? Anyway, anyone who's reading this, u're invited to watch me sing. I will be smoking as much Marlboro Lights as I possibly can so that I can get the smoky rock kapak ramli sarip growl in my gulung parts. I've got a very puny telorless voice and the smoking would prolly help.

Ciao!

2006-09-14T07:54:00.000-07:00

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
so the mother spreads her zit infested pussy lips & from the depths of her cancerous cum laden throat she conjers up the darkest, hardest, ectoplasmic flem wad a guy has ever bragged about. she manages to let the mucas slipp past her leperous lips & cascade down her old body eventually finding its self in the cache we call the pussy, but old ma calls it her rot box. seriously it looks like a pile of three week old dead jews in the humid summer heat. she screams to little timmy "get over here & fuck my old rot box"! timmy starts thrusting his undeveloped stupid looking weiner into old ma's stink gash. while this act is taking place pop enters stage left carrying a bucket full of cock roaches. pop proceeds to glue individual cock roaches to the palm of his hands,legs up. after ripping the legs off of the roaches he masturbates. crying & sobbing pop ejaculates in the dogs mouth & exclames,"your my best friend". timmy gets done fucking the rot hole & mother smashes his fucking head in with her craftsman roofing hammer.& farts.
For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"
And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

2006-09-13T07:37:00.000-07:00

Stupid.

Inbred race.

Self righteousness.

Lazy

False sense of importance

hypocrisy

Delusions of grandeur

Greedy

Back stabbing

Judgemental

Stupid???

Liars.

Ugly.

Dirty.

I'm not very good with words. Do you get my sense of humour? Do you know what the fuck i'm talking about?

Hahahahahahahhahahahaha

2006-09-07T10:24:00.000-07:00

Hello world!

I've spent so much money for the past 14 days since the my heart was sliced into a million pieces recently. Below are the items necessary for me to numb the pain I'm experiencing.

2 weeks supply of Xanax (for me anxiety attacks) & Lexapro (for depression) - RM250
I-pod Nano (to replace the MP3 player which reminds me of the heartbreaker)-RM1190
Radio Transmitter for the I-pod (absolutely useless, it only transmitts mono signals in to the car stereo) -RM350
Metal cover for the I-pod - RM99
A new swatch (I've always been obsessed with Swatchs, the heartbreaker hates 'em but it doesnt really matter anymore does it?) -RM190

Item no 1 has been the most useful of the lot. Money well spent! I hope to get a back-up supply on saturday which will be my follow up appointment with the shrink.

Phil told me the best way to get over a girl is to get on top of another. But seriously, would any girl want to fuck someone in my state of mind? I'd probably have to spend more money to get one to fuck me. Cant afford it mate! Besides I can't even get my willie up anymore from all the stress. I think i've been cursed! I dont want to take anymore medication (Viagra) to deal with that. It might just react with the medication I'm already taking. But anyway, girls out there, if u're reading, dont worry, once i'm over this shit, my all mighty willie will be back at it's best.

Anyway, I have to thank Miss N. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for talking & listening to me, understanding and putting up with my emo shit. You must think that i've grown a pussy after the heart slicing. I owe u an I-pod, i think. I also have to thank Mr E and Miss I (they'll be getting married soon, I'm so excited), I love them alot, I love them more now. They saw me cry, they consoled me, they told me it's not really my lost. They told me it's one step closer to finding the right one.

Oh well..... I have to look at my life from a different perspective. There are alot more troubled souls who would laugh and spit on my face for being such a moaner from being heart broken. Well it's not everyday i get my heart broken man! Dont blame me for moaning.

I'm still Alive!!!!!!!!!!

2006-09-04T15:27:00.001-07:00

Frozen in the place I hide
Not afraid to paint my sky with
Some who say I've lost my mind
Brother try and hope to find
You were always so far away
I know that pain so don't you run away
Like you used to doRoses in a vase of white
Bloodied by the thorns beside the leaves
That fall because my hand is pulling them hard as I can
You were always so far away
I know that pain
and I won't run awayLike I used to do
Pictures in a box at home
Yellowing and green with mold
So I can barely see your face
Wonder how that color taste
You were always so far away
I know the way so don't you run away
Like you used to doLike you used to do

THis is not mine. It's by the late Layne Staley of Alice in Chains fame. Absolutely beautiful. an ode to his brother actually.. Way before the heroin addiction. god given talent

Xanax and Lexapro is getting me off the other shit that only worsens my anxiety. and it feels good! if only i can write like this. Daus says i'm very direct in my writing. there's no better way for me to write. I cant get the message across without being direct. I blame it on the malaysian education system. how was I to learn any poetry when Mrs Tan (i think that's her name, fuck where has my memory gone??) gave me 1000 add maths questions for home work everday?

2006-05-04T09:33:00.000-07:00

Shit world... i've got some stories about what happened to me recently ....

first, i've been told by a colleague & project secretary of mine that i look like MAWI.. Oh yes!!! Now i dont have anything left to live for! i'm being compared to the most popular guy in the Melayu kingdom! i'm on par with siti norfuckhaliza! but all this bullshit merely distracts me from an earlier incident that happened....

Shit unlike normal bloggers, i leave it till the 3rd para to tell u when this all happened. it happened on tuesday 2nd may 2006 on the way to kerteh from KL.

I started the day at about 8am . i took the lebuhraya pantai timur after the karak highway and in 2 hours i was at gebeng....

anyone who's used to that road from the highway exit to cherating would know that road is full of lorries. there's no way you can drive faster than 50kmh if you're unlucky n caught behind a gravel laden lorry.

the line of vehicles i was caught in was moving at 60kmh and far ahead i could see why. a lorry balak was dragging it self first in the line... Tiba2 this lorry behind me tried to overtake me.. hastily because there was no space between me n the car in front. probably seeing an incoming car heading towards him this lorry starts to push me to the road shoulder because he cant overtake!! fucking hell he was close to hitting my car. luckily i was alert of everything n i accelerated as somehow the gap between my car n the kancil in front widened. i took that space and the lorry setteled again, behind me car. after that strectch of 2 lane lorry road, the traffic dispersed and i reached a wider stretch (4 lanes) very near cherating. then, the road was clear and i drove at about 80kmh on the right lane.

out of no where a lorry appeared on me left started flanking my car and i heard someone shouting at me... shit i noticed it's the same lorry earlier on who tried to overtake me!! i rolled down my left window and heard him curse in chinese to me... when i asked him 'kenapa?' he screamed loudly n he made the ugliest crazed face i have ever seen, somehow when i saw this my instincts told me to floor my accelarator. so my car sped ahead of that lorry and true enough, i saw the lorry attempting to ram me to the road divider!!!! he missed me by inches!! after that the lorry started chasing me all the way till i reached a traffic light (red) with other cars waiting. i was relieved because i knew he couldnt do anything to me with witnesses outside (earlier on there was no one else on the road). he was still on left side now. i was in a state of being in between scared and angry, i opened up my window and said

'YOU FUCKING OLD BASTARD I WILL GET YOU AFTERWARDS MOTHERFUCKER!! WHY YOU FUCKING TRIED TO KILL ME? OI SEMUA DENGAR SINI!! ORANG TUA NI DALAM LORI PUTIH SEBELAH SAYA NI CUBA BUNUH SAYA TADI!!! DIA CUBA LANGGAR SAYA '

Everyone at the traffic light thought i was crazy. of course i was after wat that fucker did to me. When the light went green i sped ahead going straight n the lorry took a left. i recollected myself, drove for another 5 minutes before i stopped at road side calling a police ASP who i know to tell her what happened, it's always an advantage to have police contacts because they will go out of their way to help friends in trouble especially of this sort.

if somehow that old fucker is reading this (hihihi he doesnt look like he knows how to read) or anyone who knows the driver of a white 20tonne lorry with registration plate CV2381 in cherating or gebeng area, tell him to watch out because i am very very very vindictive,

Oi Old bAstard, i remember your face!! I remember your fucking face,, i will bring my fucking army and i will get you u dirty old bastard. that's right u're just a stinking fly annoying me and i will swat you like a fly!!

Back to wat i was saying earlier on, i think maybe it's true i look a bit like mawi. there are similarities but if you look closely maybe mawi is more of a classic sort of beauty, i'm sexier hahahaha. and by now you should know, i'm CRAZIER!

2006-05-01T11:42:00.000-07:00

hello world. i would address you, reader, as 'world' as a recognition of borderless powers of the net. not that i'm expecting anyone to read this shit but, i think, there is a high likelihood that 'hey world' would be used often, so often that i could be a standard. me, being a conformist, would conform.

i was just thinking that since it's free, why not. it's like the sachets of sugar left on neat the basket in hotel rooms... i'd take 'em all (being Kiasu)...... that's how i see this blog thing. Why not?

Because I Can!

anyway, what i hope to write about in my blogs are the most honest, dark thoughts that occur to me on a day to day basis. if i cant achieve any of those goals at least i wish my writings would amuse at least 5 people per postings. that would make an achievement for me.... fuck it man!!! i'm just going to write just to amuse. maybe i'll slip in a few informational bits to share with u all, stuff like home studio recording or something....

now since i dont really have any idea of what i really want to write about, probably by now many of u can tell, it just came to me that why not i be the world's first reality blogger. wat i would do everyday is just ramble incoherent about he going ons of my life, pretty much just complain about shit like (1) how it gets so hot where i work, (2)how ditzy the office secretary is, (3)how the makcik in the kantin makes the teh tarik too sweet (of course la sweet, she fucking filled half the fucking mug with condensed milk)....

wait a minute,but then again this wont be original.... almost every blog I read is a complaint box/suggestion box like the ones u see in KFC... imagine what if all souls with internet access on earth write their own blog, hmmmm.... everyone is complaining ... complaints for things to improve and get better in their lives...... that is exactly what a doa (prayer) is... u wish for something to the Almighty. It's a sign of submission to the God you pray to and you dont seek help from anything/anyone else.... what this shit i'm rambling about now is probably bringing us to the notion that blogging is a very spiritual act.... the seeds of a cult/new religion has been planted here muahahahhaha

what's this 3 am special thingy ('thingy' as how most of you KL girls describe things beyond your vocabulary)?3 am specials are stuff you smoke at 3am that gives you a buzz which last even when you wake up after passing out the next morning.. yeah.. 3am specials should be dealt with great care.

i've written 6 paragraphs of nonsense so far huh? i dont care. why do u care so much if it's nonsense. it's fucking 3am in the morning!!! have u ever tried writing something coherent when u're feeling this sleepy at these hours? i should be credited just for coming to this point so far.

so to all people who dont like what i write, go read the links that would soon appear in my blog now, they're all ok.... but make sure the next day you start reading my blog first because u never know, i could come up with good one...